As a tribute to Valentine’s Day this month I am going to blog about love –  that is loving yourself.  Without this core state of being regarding yourself – attaining your wildest dreams is….impossible!

Much like the statue above, we must be our strongest support.

We have all heard at one point or another that we cannot love another without first loving ourselves. But what does that mean? My own journey to loving myself has started with what I consider the hardest step – accepting myself.

“The certain test of sanity is if you can accept life whole, as it is.”
Lao-Tzu

What does this have to do with coaching? Let’s go back to one main focus of coaching – turning potential into achievement. Loving yourself and knowing what you want and feel you deserve out of life are directly related to what you want to and can achieve. And as you accept yourself more fully and get honest with your needs your vision of the best possible life becomes clearer and more fully in your grasp.

How you feel about yourself is ultimately reflected back to you in every part of your life; other relationships, career, self image, friends, opportunities… everything.

For many of us it can be very painful and frightening to really look at ourselves, our beliefs about life and love.  It is hard to accept what we see and to realize that we may need to change and unlearn some things; because they don’t really serve us in a positive way. After so many years of certain kinds of behavior the prospect of change and growth can be terrifying. I know it has been for me.

Notice the difference between what happens when a man says to himself “I have failed three times,” and what happens when he says, “I am a failure.”
S.I. Hayakawa – United States Senator 1977 – 1983 Psychologist and semanticist

You can do ANYTHING you put your heart and mind to. There are millions and millions of stories of people over-coming and changing and accomplishing things at all ages and abilities. Most of these stories start with a person who loves themselves and believes that they CAN achieve what they most want and cherish. Saying you can do anything does not mean you can fly without wings; it means that if you are sincere in your efforts to accomplish something you truly desire and you have a plan to do it… you can and will.

“The truth is, we all do the best we can do until we are stronger, wiser, willing and ready to do better.”
Iyanla Vanzant author of In the Meantime

Each of us is unique by definition: no one else has lived our lives, experienced our challenges and adventures or was raised in our situations – therefore we are uniquely suited to achieve the life we want with our hearts. Although unique means one-of-a-kind I think of it like snowflakes – they all look pretty similar yet there are still no two alike.

“Our work then is to become the healthiest possible version of who we uniquely are.”
David Richo – Author of How to be an Adult in Relationship

Who is the healthiest possible version of you? Let’s put that into context with our categories of life we discussed earlier; fun and recreation, career, health, money, physical environment, family, friends, significant other, growth and development. Picture yourself in these categories and what you’d look like functioning at your best. Most of us have a “how it is supposed to look” going on, and every thought, intention and action is aligned to get us to that. BUT where are you right now? Can you see your fears and fantasies and expose the truth of where you are?

This week I encourage you to examine and explore the beliefs you hold about yourself, where you are, are “supposed to be” and how you show yourself love.

Show yourself love every day. Look yourself in the eye in the mirror and tell yourself that you love yourself. Do not waiver in that love and take inspiration from this wonderful poem!

Invictus – By William Ernest Henley, Poet

Out of the night that covers me,
black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
for my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeoning of chance
my head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
looms but the Horror of the shade,
and yet the menace of the years
finds, and shall find me, unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
how charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

QUESTION OF THE WEEK:

What is the healthiest version of you?